Happiness and An Existential Crisis

It has been over a year since I have written this type of blog post – maybe that is a good thing or maybe they’ve been missed – I suppose I’ll find out in the viewing stats. In actuality, I only ever write like this when I need to tell myself something, when I need to change how I think. Spelling something out on screen and putting it on the internet for everyone to see, giving advice on how I think feelings should be dealt with, is my way of correcting a problem in my life and putting myself right.

Being a little bit cryptic with it is just part of the fun.

I often wonder how many people I know could call themselves truly happy. Happiness is a concept I find incredibly subjective. On a day to day basis, most of us are happy. We get out of bed in a morning, go about our days and fall asleep at night with ease. Real happiness, at least for me, is a deeper concept.

Happiness is something I have had problems with in the past; my doubt in finding it the source of many an existential crisis. I might be laughing and smiling, but if I am not living with purpose, I am not happy.  For 5 years I was in long term relationships, fine on a day to day basis, but not self-fulfilling-feel-good-inside happy. These feelings were incredibly difficult to control or resolve - I felt like nothing had any purpose, and that all the interpersonal relationships I maintained were temporary.  In order to be happy, I think I had to stop cowering underneath the security blanket a relationship gives you – an automatic friend. Instead I had to do something. To get out there, to meet people and put my efforts into a project I care about, not another human being. The incredible feedback by blog received last October, for example, gave me the courage to make some very big life changes. Likewise I look back over my A Levels, and I was happiest not on holiday with my boyfriend or celebrating anniversaries, but working on my studies and part time in a cinema.

I am happiest when I am doing. A self-confessed workaholic, and it has taken a year of being single to find the right diagnosis and recipe for happiness inside me.  So that is what I shall do. BBC internship over and graduate job offer under my belt, I am working my way down my to-do lists! Cleaning, shopping, eBay selling, dissertation researching, giving press interviews (to do with my media-guru-ness, but a bit of a secret at the minute, ssshh!) and eventually packing to move!

Have I mentioned my business?  I am running an online social media consultancy firm! Basically projects (newspapers, candidates, campaigns, products, bands, etc) come to me and I teach them how to maximise their revenue and publicity via social media and real life networking. Visit felicityhall.net for more information and do make an enquiry if you would like to talk business.

I’m quite glad I got all that off of my chest. Hey, maybe I’ve put too much of myself on the internet here. This time last year, I was told this was a bad thing. This year, I’m being paid for it.

Turns out I’m pretty good at knowing who and what is right for me.